Aftermath of Grief
by Ernil i Pheriannath
Summary: Giles blames himself for Buffy's sacrafice at the end of S5. Angsty, mention of surcide.


"Giles?" Willows forlorn voice rang out in the watchers empty apartment, "Giles are you here?" she raised her voice as much as it would allow. "he's not here?" The young witch turned to Xander and Tara who were stood motionless in the door, there grief all too visible upon there tired faces.

It had been hours since Buffy's sacrifice and death, the others had barely noted that the watcher had disappeared, they had know idea how long he had been missing, it was now night and they had began to worry about his absence.

"We need to find him" Willow exclaimed, her voice breaking in grief and new tears trickling down her cheeks. Tara took her into her arms.

"We'll find him Will," she whispered, "We'll go back to the house, change into some better clothes and go in search of him"

Willow nodded in agreement and they stepped outside, pulling the door closed behind them. "Don't tell Dawn though" she added as they headed back.

Giles stumbled carelessly down the empty street, the sun had set and night was drawing in. The watcher knew all too well what lurked in the shadows after sundown, but he didn't care. He had not bothered to pick up a stake or cross before leaving. Since departing his apartment he had done nothing but walk for hours. His feet were numb, his side ached and burned from the recent dispute with the spear, he had not bothered to take any of the painkillers the hospital had supplied him. The watcher stumbled on, energy draining with every step he took. His vision was blinded with fresh unfallen tears.  
As he reached the street corner he turned and noticed a familiar gateway, he looked up, subconsciously reading the sign in the dim light "Restfield cemetery." A flood of memories came to him and images flashed before his eyes, Buffy's face, training, nightly patrols together. He leaned on the gate for support letting it swing open with a creak.

"Buffy?" He whispered softly, hardly catching his breath, he stumbled partially forward almost loosing his footing he steadied himself on a gravestone and continued on. "I'm so sorry" he cried out pulling his hand into a tight fist he punched a nearby stone with force. Not noting the pain shoot through his hand and up his arm and the fresh blood spilling from his knuckles. "I've failed you" he continued his sentence, his voice wavering as he stumbled on and deeper into the graveyard. The musty air around Giles smelt of death, but he didn't care. As his energy drained from his legs he fell to his knees on the damp grass placing his face in his hands, he let the tears flow freely.

"Giles?" A soft voice came to his ears and his looked up trying to focus his eyes through the stinging tears.

"B... Buffy" he stuttered and blinked, "Your"

"Dead" she smiled at him through her concern, "I am, and you should deal with it"

"What?" he mumbled and closed his eyes, trying to save himself from his hallucination. He groaned, placing a hand on his injured side.

"I'm real Giles" Buffy exclaimed seeing his pained look on her watchers face. "you don't have to block me out"

"It's my fault" he sobbed, looking back up at her as he began to shudder, weather through the pain, the cold or just the grief he didn't know. "It's my fault all of this happened Buffy, my fault your dead" his voice broke on the last word.

Buffy tutted then looked to him, her face filled with worry, she bent down to him, placing her pale hand on his shoulder.

"Its never your fault Giles" her eyes locked with his pain stricken ones. "Your too hard on yourself" The watcher remained silent as she stared at him, a moment passed between them, a moment of understanding and realisation. "I would rather die than let you go" his voice broke again his throat tightened with overwhelming emotion.

"Giles, you nearly have died, several times, because of me" her voice dropped a tone, "And you've saved me an uncountable amount of times" He looked to the floor, he didn't want to except anything she was saying.

"I'm grateful" she finished.

"I'm not" he added, standing up painfully, "I should have died, and not you" he turned his back on her and began to walk away, fresh tracks of tears streaming down his cheeks. There was silence, Giles stopped and turned around, she was gone, only empty space remained where she had once been. The Watcher turned back and continued on stumbling from grave to grave until he reached a familiar name. He stared down at the white stone.

"Jenny?" he cried, "I failed you too." Finding his knees begin to weaken he leaned heavily on her headstone, "I'm so sorry"

"Aww" A deep growl sounded from behind the man, "Isn't that sweet." Giles pushed himself around to face the figure. The knotted brows and pointed teeth told him enough. He smiled to himself. "Perfect" he mumbled under his breath.

Standing up straight in front of the vampire he spoke with certainty and calmness. "Drink me, I'm sure your hungry" He stepped forward. There was no need to encourage the demon more as the vampire grabbed the Watcher's shoulders and pulled him in. Giles rested his head to one side and the vampire sunk his teeth into the man's neck and fed. He felt the life drain from his already tired and injured body. Darkness began to close in and as he was loosing consciousness he smiled to himself. "Goodbye world" he mouthed.

"But where would he go?" Anya's panicked voice rose up as Willow and Xander began to leave.

"We have a good idea" Xander said pulling his coat on and picking up a stake. "You and Tara stay here with Dawn" he sighed, "we won't be long" Anya watched her groom to be and young witch race of down the road before she closed the door behind them.

"Where are we going?" Willow struggled to keep up with Xander's pace.

"The cemetery" he cried "Its the only other place I can think that Giles would go"

Willow was silent as she kept up with Xander and within minutes she found they were at the familiar black metal gates. She had never come to understand why graveyards were so dark and dreary, then again after seeing what was in this world she kind of understood. The pair slipped through the gates soundlessly. The graveyard was still and silent as they started there way down the path.

"You really think he's here?" Willow stuttered looking around nervously. Xander didn't answer, he was concentrating on looking around. Willow followed cautiously, as they rounded a crypt Xander froze and the witch nearly fell into him.

"Xand..." her friends hand came up to silence her, and she looked around to where he was. She gasped at the sight before her eyes. There was Giles, his limp form held within the grasp of a vampire. Before she could think Willow was out and in full view of the beast.

"Hey" she cried, standing in front of the vampire, "Pick on someone your own size will you"  
"This is no time for jokes" Xander was by her side, his stake remained hidden behind his back. There was silence for a moment and the vampire looked on at the two friends and laughed.

"Let him go and you can feed on me" Xander said firmly stepping closer. The vampire laughed again.  
"A watchers blood is strong" he smirked, "besides, who cares your friend's already dead"

"Not if I can help it" A familiar voice came and the vampire was suddenly thrown sideways, he dropped Giles, who slumped bonelessly to the ground. Xander and Willow leapt forward to reach his body. Willow let out a sob as she noted the watchers pale complexion.

"He's alive" Xander said checking a pulse and finding a weak one, "But what?" They both looked up to see a blur of blond hair and suddenly a burst of ash.

"Buffy?" Willow cried, tears welling in her eyes, "Is it really you"

"Yeah" she stood before them, a light seemed to radiate from her body, she smiled at them and then frowned as her gaze fell on Giles.

"He needs you right now" she said, Willow and Xander looked down at there friends motionless form. "Take care of him for me" she added. They both looked up and she was gone.


End file.
